|Fic: "Pretty Girl" 9/?
||[Mar. 20th, 2011|10:56 pm]
|||||Jesus Christ Superstar - Damned For All Time||]|
Title: Pretty Girl
Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me and I make no money from this.
Summary: Kurt and Finn are becoming closer as step-brothers, and Kurt figured out Finn's darkest secret—the one Finn can't even quite put into words—Finn's transgender, MTF.
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Finn/Rachel, Finn/Puck
Spoilers: Up to “A Very Glee Christmas,” but AU after.
Notes: Based on This Prompt
For theauthor2010 and nonexistantpup
All previous parts can be found on AO3: Pretty Girl
Thanks tinak47 For Vanessa
Notes: I just want to say that when I started this story, we'd never seen Blaine outside of his uniform, so I totally imagined his fashion sense, but I'm sticking with my version of Blaine, who thinks stonewashed jeans with ripped out knees, surfer shirts, flannel overshirts and skateboard sneakers are the height of fashion. Also, I've been watching a lot of transition vlogs on YouTube, and they're really helping me write this story. The song Rachel sings is “I Will Always Love You,” originally by Dolly Parton, but she sings the Whitney Houston version, which is a little different.
Life is far from perfect. Kurt watches his sister struggle at school over the next couple of weeks. People are catty and cruel, though Coach Sylvester has her eye out for them. Quinn and Mercedes haven't reached out to any of them, or tried to mend bridges, but they're not being openly hostile, which Kurt feels is better than nothing. He misses Mercedes a lot, but he's found he's texting with Lisa a lot more now. All those hours he used to spend texting or talking on the phone with Mercedes he now spends talking to Lisa. It's not like he intended to replace his BFF. He still cares about Mercedes, he really does, but when she took a step back from him, Lisa was already there to fill the void, and the progression to best friends just felt natural. And when he's not talking to Lisa, he's with Blaine, who is pretty much the most perfect boyfriend Kurt can imagine, even though he has horrible fashion sense.
Blaine's fitting in pretty well at McKinley. He joined the baseball team, and he, Puck and Sam seem to be developing some sort of strange bromance that confuses their friends. Sam and Quinn are taking a break, but Sam's still hung up on her. Most of her friends expect she'll come around, especially as Junior Prom approaches. If she wants to will prom queen, she needs to regain some of her popularity. Mike came around pretty quickly after Tina imposed her nookie ban, and apologized to Vanessa. They didn't talk much, but Mike never spoke much.
Vanessa is sitting at her computer on a Saturday. Kurt's out with Brittany and Santana and Vanessa is IMing with Lisa who keeps sending her YouTube links. Apparently there's a decent-sized trans community on YouTube, with people posting video diaries about their transitions, and their experiences with HRT and surgery and coming out. Lisa is specifically sending her links to this one girl, who used to be a male bodybuilder before she came out. Vanessa feels slightly more confident, watching this girl's transition on YouTube, because when she was living as a boy, her boy self was even more muscular and defined than Finn was. And even though Vanessa doesn't work out the way Finn did, lifting weights and doing training for football, she still works out, trying to stay in shape. Somehow, seeing this girl's transformation online makes Vanessa feel a little bit better about herself. She's watching YouTube videos when Rachel shows up at her door.
“Your mom let me in,” Rachel says. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Vanessa says, pulling Rachel into a hug. “We didn't have plans today, is something up?”
“Yeah,” Rachel said. “I want to talk about some stuff. But first, can I sing you this song I've been working on? It kinda says what's on my mind better than I think I can.”
“Sure,” Vanessa said, smiling. That was just like Rachel, wanting to express herself through song.
Rachel sets down the portable CD player she's carrying and hits play. Vanessa recognizes the song from one of those movies that Carole used to watch whenever one of her boyfriends broke up with her.
“If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.”
“You're breaking up with me?” Vanessa asks. She'd gotten the gist of the song pretty quickly.
“I'm always going to love you. But when we first started going out, when you were still acting like a boy, you were the stable, steady one that put up with how high-maintenance I am. I mean, you were there, to protect me and take care of me, and now you're all vulnerable and I love you, I do, but you need somebody who can take care of you, and I just can't do that Nessa. I'm not the person for you, I'm too flighty and high-maintenance. It''s not working between us. I still want to be your friend, and I still want to sing duets with you, but I can't be your girlfriend anymore, I'm so sorry.” Rachel's crying while she rambles, and Vanessa closes the distance between them, wrapping Rachel up in a tight hug.
“It's okay. I will always love you, Rachel,” Finn tells the short girl. “You were my first real love, and you've helped me through so much. But I understand what you're saying, and I don't hold it against you.”
“I really do care about you,” Rachel promises.
“I know. I care about you too. But it isn't enough, is it?” Vanessa asks.
“No,” Rachel agrees. She hugs Nessa tightly, closing her eyes and burying herself in Nessa's faded flannel shirt. Vanessa hadn't been planning on going out today, so she'd in 'boy mode,' just wearing pajamas, without a wig or any make-up. It's Saturday morning, so she's still wearing what she fell asleep in last night. And with her cheek pressed against the soft flannel, Rachel can pretend that she's being held by the first boy she ever fell in love with, Finn Hudson. The boy who stood up for her when she was picked on, and took her bowling and treated her like his princess. Not the girl who was still figuring herself out as a person. And when Rachel realized how much she missed that boy, she was struck with intense guilt. “I'm going to go home.”
“You don't have to,” Vanessa says.
“I kinda do,” Rachel says.
“Are you still coming over tomorrow for movies with me and Kurt and the others?” Vanessa asks.
“Do you still want me to?” Rachel asks.
“Yes,” Vanessa says firmly. “You're still my friend, you're still Kurt's friend, so you're still invited to movie day.”
“Sounds good,” Rachel smiles weakly. “See you tomorrow.” She grabs her CD player and practically runs down the stairs and out the front door.
Vanessa is left behind in her room feeling awkward and alone. Before she really thinks about what she's doing, her phone is out and she's texting Puck.
Rachel broke up w/ me—V
I'll b over in 1 hr. G2 take Sarah 2 Sam's 4 sleepover w/ Kat.—P
Vanessa grinned. She hadn't even asked and he was coming over, Puck really was a great friend. Well, now that he'd gotten his act together and had stopped putting himself and his dick at top priority, Puck had really started to earn the title of Best Friend. When Vanessa realized Puck was coming over, she changed her mind about staying in her pajamas all day and decided to get out of 'boy mode.' She goes straight for the shower to shave before getting dressed.
“Puck, I didn't know you were coming over today,” Carole says.
“Well, I got a text from V saying she and Rachel just broke up, so I came over to hang out. I know that Kurt is with Brittany and Santana, Sam and Blaine have gone to some nerdy book signing thing, Lauren's at a wrestling tournament, Tina and Mike are celebrating their anniversary or something, and Lisa's in Westerville, so that leaves me. I might not be a girl, but if I understand the chick thing right, break-ups require cookie dough, ice cream and movies, right?” Puck holds up a shopping back and Carole laughs. She's had her concerns about Puck over the past twelve years, but the boy has a good heart, and has really taken to protecting her...daughter.
“Hey Puck,” Vanessa says, walking down the stairs. She's wearing a purple and black knee-length dress, sandals, and a black sweater. Puck finds himself checking out the way the dress hugs her body in all the right places and suddenly realizes how comfortable he's gotten with thinking of Vanessa as a girl, and not as his buddy Finn. “You brought me ice cream?”
“Cherry Garcia's still your favorite, right?” Puck asks, pulling the container from the shopping bag.
“Duh,” Vanessa says.
“Did you and Rachel break up?” Carole asks, putting her arm around her kid.
“Yeah. It was kind of coming, and it's not like we're not friends anymore, 'cause we are, we're just not dating. It wasn't going to work out.”
“Well,do you want to watch movies or something?” Puck offers.
“I'd rather go kick your butt at Call of Duty,” Vanessa says. While she's flattered that Puck assumed she'd want to do 'girly' things first, she still really loves playing video games, and was still really awesome at them.
“Oh hell no,” Puck says. “No way you can beat me.”
“You're on,” Vanessa says, heading up to her bedroom.
“Door open,” Carole says automatically, and Vanessa grins when she realizes her mom is thinking of her as a girl. Back before she'd come out, her mom never would have stipulated that Finn and Puck leave the door open because it wasn't like Finn and Puck were going to have sex. Vanessa realizes she's blushing a little as she climbs the stairs. She really needs to do something about her crush on Puck.
Kurt is at the mall with Brittany and Santana when he gets the text from Rachel.
Broke up with V. Please don't hate me.--R
Is V okay with it?--K
Yes. We're still friends. She still wants me to come over tomorrow. We're just not dating.--R
Not mad. Kinda saw it coming.--K
Think we can get Puck to ask her to prom?--R
“Interesting idea,” Kurt says aloud.
“What?” Santana asks.
“Rachel and Nessa broke up,” Kurt says. “Apparently it's all good and they're still friends. Rachel is wondering if we can get Puck to ask Vanessa to prom.”
“They are so, like, totally perfect for each other,” Brittany says. “It's so obvious that Vanessa likes Puck, and Puck likes her more than all the other girls.”
“Yeah, but it's Puck, and he's straight and all about sex. Is he going to want to go for V?” Santana asks.
“I don't know,” Kurt said, “But it's interesting to think about, nonetheless. Are you two going to prom?”
“Well, I was invited to both junior and senior prom by several different guys,” Santana says, “I haven't figured out who I'm going with yet.”
“I'm going with Artie, but I told him I'll only have sex with him after if he's nice to Vanessa,” Brittany says. “Are you going with Blaine?”
Kurt nods. “Is Puck still into Lauren?”
“I don't know,” Santana says. “Maybe. He just likes girls who are bad ass. Personally I think he'd be better with Vanessa than with Lauren.”
“How do we make Puck figure out he's perfect for Vanessa?” Brittany wonders.
“We'll have to put some thought into it,” Kurt says.
On Sunday, they have a big movie marathon. Lisa and Tracy are invited, along with all of the glee club (although it's assumed that several of them won't show up), and even Wes, David and Jeff decide to show up to hang out. Kurt assumes it's because his former Warbler teammates know how many girls Kurt is friends with. There is an awkward moment when Kurt introduces Vanessa to Wes, David and Jeff, and they take a second to reconcile the tall girl they're looking at with their memory of Kurt's stepbrother.
“So, you keep looking at your phone every two minutes. What's going on with you and Princess?” Lauren asks Sam. They're all hanging out in the living room
“I don't know,” Sam says “She asked me what she had to do for me to take her back, and I told her, straight up, if she wants me to be her date to prom, she has to apologize to Vanessa. She's thinking about it.”
“I broke up with Artie last night,” Brittany says, seemingly out of the blue.
“Just yesterday, you said you were going to prom with him,” Kurt says, confused.
“I know, but he said some stuff last night that really hurt my feelings,” Brittany says.
“Like what?” Lisa asks.
“Well, I know that Artie thinks he's better than me, and I was okay with that before, 'cause, like, I know he's totally way smarter than me, so it was okay for him to think I'm dumb, since I am. But I realized yesterday that that's not why he's mean.”
“He treats you like you're less than him, because you're a girl, right?” Tina guesses.
“Yeah. I don't like that. I mean, I still think he's cute, and he has an amazing dick,” Brittany adds, not realizing how uncomfortable she's made most of the people with her statement, “It's, like, huge. But I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore.”
“He needs to get his head out of his ass,” Vanessa agrees. “The first day I went to school in a skirt I almost couldn't believe the things he said about how evil women are. It's obvious he blames women for his legs not working.”
“The woman who paralyzed him,” Tina said softly, “Was doing her make-up while driving. That's how the accident happened. He blames her and his mom. I mean, a lot of what Artie says is just talk, because he's overcompensating for the forced perception of paralyzed men as sexless and for the societal infantilism of men in wheelchairs. But he has a lot of negative feelings about women. It's why I broke up with him last summer.”
“Huh?” Vanessa asks.
“She means that society treats guys in wheelchairs like they're not real men anymore,” Kurt explains, and both Vanessa and Brittany nod, having not understood all of Tina's big words.
“It's impolite to talk about somebody when he is not here to defend himself,” Wes says.
“But that's half the fun of it,” Santana says. The boys don't contradict her, and eventually everyone slips into silence, watching the movie that Puck picked, which is an action movie full of explosions. On their days, they take turns picking. There's a knock on the door while they're watching the movie, and then they hear Carole talking with somebody. As the credits roll Carole and Will Schuester come into the living room.
“Vanessa, there's somebody here to talk to you,” Carole says, a hint of confusion and distaste on her face.
“Hey Vanessa, can we go talk about something?” Will asks. Everyone looks confused, But Vanessa stands, smoothing her top down over her jeans, leaving her friends in the living room. She follows Mr. Schuester out onto the front porch to talk while her brother and friends stay in the living room, curious.
“What do you think Mr. Schuester wants?” Rachel asks, curious.
“Something to do with Glee, probably,” Sam says.
“Then why would he just talk to Nessa?” Kurt asks curiously.
“Oh, come on,” Tracy said, “This is Ohio. Probably somebody from your glee club, or your school has complained and is trying to force Vanessa to drop out of the club.”
“Always so cheery,” Lisa remarks about her boifriend, rolling her eyes, but kissing Tracy on the cheek. People debate what Mr. Schue wants with Vanessa, until he leaves and Vanessa comes back into the living room.
“So, what movie are we watching next?” Vanessa asks, walking back into the room.
“What did Mr. Schue want?” Puck asks.
“He wanted to talk to me about Nationals,” Vanessa answers.
“He didn't kick you out of the club or bench you or anything, did he?” Sam asks, and Vanessa sighd. She doesn't really want to relay the agreement she made with Will with the rest of the group, especially not in front of Lisa and Tracy, and some of the Warblers, but everyone's looking at her expectantly.
“No, nothing like that,” Vanessa insists. “He just asked me if I would do the competition in 'boy mode,' and I agreed. It'll be easier for everyone.”
“That's not very fair at all,” Rachel says, frowning.
“He shouldn't pressure you into that,” Kurt says.
“He's not,” Vanessa promises. “He asked me if it was something I would consider doing, and I agreed. It's not worth fighting about. I know who I am, but if pretending to be a boy for a couple of hours gives us a better chance at winning, I can do it.”
“Sometimes it's just so much easier to give people what they want,” Lisa says quietly.
“You have to pick your battles carefully,” Tracy agrees.
“It still doesn't seem right,” Rachel says.
“Agreed,” Puck says. “You should be able to be yourself in New York.”
“And I will be, I just won't be for a couple hours at the competition,” Vanessa says, smirking. “Can I just point out here that all the trans* people in this room are perfectly okay with me slipping back into boy mode for a couple of hours at Nationals, and it's only the cis people who have a problem with it?” She quirks up an eyebrow, and the tension breaks some.
“What is 'cis'?” Jeff asks, confused.
“Cisgender is the opposite of transgender,” Lisa says, “It's when your gender-identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth.”
“I didn't know there was a word for that,” Wes says.
“Most people don't” Tracy says. “It's kinda like heterosexual, it's only been around a little while, and was invented only because there wasn't a word for the concept.”
“Pardon?” David asks, confused.
“The word 'heterosexual' has been around fore less than a a hundred and fifty years,” Blaine says, “Even though the word 'homosexual' existed a lot longer. For centuries it was assumed that everybody, barring a few 'freaks' was straight, so there was no need for a word to describe what everyone was assumed to be. It was only after people started being diagnosed as homosexual by psychiatrists that they started looking for a word that meant the opposite. Cisgender is a word just like it, it didn't exist until somebody started looking for a word that means the opposite of transgender.”
“The concept is called a lexical gap,” Wes pipes in, and he suddenly finds himself being pelted by popcorn.
“Nobody cares, nerd,” Puck grins. “Nessa, you want to pick the next movie?”
“Tracy's the first new person,” Vanessa says, “They should pick.”
“If you pick another war movie, I'm breaking up with you,” Lisa threatens, and Tracy sticks their tongue out in reply, but moves their hand away from where it had been hovering above Saving Private Ryan and instead pops in But I'm a Cheerleader. It quickly discovered that most of the group has never seen the movie, so they sit back and enjoy it.
“Who is that, he looks familiar?” Rachel says, pointing at the black man on the screen.
“That's RuPaul, out of drag,” Kurt says.
“Really? That's RuPaul? But where's her big hair and her glittery dress?” Brittany asks.
“That's what RuPaul looks like not dressed up,” Santana explains, and Brittany nods, before they all get back into the movie. The movie is absolutely hilarious and sweet and romantic and everyone enjoys it. After the movie they all pitch in for pizza, and Vanessa places the order while Tracy sneaks out onto the Hummel's back porch for a cigarette, and Puck follow hoping to bum one. Tracy doesn't disappoint, and hands Puck a cigarette and lighter.
“So,” Puck starts, gathering up the balls to ask Tracy the question, “You're a dude, right?”
“Most of the time,” Tracy answers.
“But you were born a chick?” Puck pressed.
“Technically,” Tracy confirms.
“Am I supposed to call you he or she?” Puck asked.
“I prefer 'they,' actually. But male pronouns are cool too. You do realize that all your friends are conspiring to find a way to get you to ask Vanessa to Junior Prom, right?” Tracy changed the subject, ever a fan of honesty.
“What?” Puck asks.
“I don't think Vanessa's in on it, or even aware of it. But apparently, now that she and Rachel are on the outs, your friends are planning on playing matchmaker,” Tracy says, watching Pucks face carefully, judging his reactions. “It's obvious you care about her.”
“She's my best friend,” Puck says.
“So ask,” Tracy says, lifting their cigarette to their lips and taking a slow drag.
“Ask what?” Puck asks, confused.
“Out of the two of us, I'm the only one of us who's dated a trans girl. My gender-identity aside, I've always been attracted to girls. Really femme-y, girly-girls usually,” Tracy smiles. “So, ask me what you've wanted to ask me since you met me, like, two months ago.”
Puck blushes slightly. “What's it like to date a girl who's got a dick?” he asks plainly.
“Not that different to dating a girl with a clit,” Tracy answers honestly. “I love Lisa. When we go out, I usually pay. I hold out doors and chairs for her the way I would for any other girl. And maybe our sex life is...unique...but we do have one. Sometimes she freaks out about her body, and sometimes I freak out about mine, so we take it slow. Just because the girl you're interested in has a penis doesn't make you gay, Puck.”
“I don't even really know how I feel about Vanessa,” Puck says, “Other than the fact that I really care about her, and have for, like, ever.”
“Well, she and Rachel just broke up yesterday, right?” Tracy asks, and Puck nods. “Well, you wouldn't want to ask her out right away anyway, 'cause then you'd be the rebound and it'd never work. I totally think you should ask her to prom, though. And if the idea of it being a date is overwhelming, specify you just want to go as friends. You don't have to move from buddies to hearts-and-flowers lovers overnight.”
“Thanks. You're good at this advice thing.”
“I'm a senior,” Tracy says sagely, “Means I have a year more live experience than you.”
Puck laughs, and then the two of them hide their cigarette butts under a rock before heading back into the house.
Most of the group has left, and Kurt and Blaine have disappeared, most likely using the chaos of the evening to slip away to Kurt's room for some nookie. Vanessa and Puck are the only ones left in the living room, and Puck has been thinking about bringing up prom for a while. They're completely alone when Puck turns to Vanessa.
“Okay, so, I had this idea, and if it's, like, totally insane or whatever, tell me. But since Lauren and I didn't work out, and since you and Rachel broke up, do you want to go to the prom with me?” Puck asks.
“Like, on a date?” Vanessa asks.
“If you want. Or just as friends. 'Cause there's nobody else I'd want to go with,” Puck admits.
“Puck, you're straight,” Finn says.
“And you're a girl,” Puck says. “I admit it's kinda crazy, but I can't seem to get that time in kindergarten when I asked you to marry me out of my head.”
“You still think about that?” Vanessa asks, smiling.
“Yeah,” Puck said. “Listen, I know this is, like, really weird. But you're my best friend, and sometimes when I think of you, I think about my buddy Finn, who I've hung out with for years, and who I totally wronged, like, a lot. But sometimes, when I think about you, I think about you as this girl, who doesn't treat me like a creeper or an idiot. Who doesn't care that I'm poor, and I'm probably always gonna be poor. You're a girl, but you don't treat me like any of the other girls. And if I have to go to the junior prom at all, I'd like it to be with you.”
“Okay,” Vanessa says. “But as friends. Rachel and I only just broke up, and I need to sort out how I feel about her, and how I feel about you, okay?”
“Deal,” Puck says.
“Cool,” Vanessa grins. “Now, let's go into the kitchen and distract my parents before they go looking for Kurt and Blaine.”
“Good idea,” Puck smiles. “We don't want them getting busted right before Nationals.”